An Australian court ruled Wednesday that a woman who was hit by a falling piece of glass while having sex on company time won’t get any workers’ compensation. Presumably a sense of humor is the only thing that could compensate her — and the parties involved in these other five sex-related injuries:
1. The Hospitalization Hickey
The point of giving someone a hickey is to playfully annoy that person and to leave a mark that says “I was here” — not to cause a stroke. A Kiwi husband seems to have missed that memo. When smooching his wife in January 2011, he caused a blood clot to form and travel to her heart. As her left arm became paralyzed, the amorous session came to an end, and the woman was rushed to hospital and put on anticoagulants.
2. The Kiss of Deaf
When two young Chinese shared a kiss in December 2008, the man, perhaps overly eager, kissed the woman in such a way that pressure was reduced in her mouth, rupturing her eardrum. “While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution,” wrote China Daily at the time. The woman was expected to regain full hearing in her left ear after two months.
3. Concrete Proposal
Dr. Peter J. Stephens and Dr. Mark L. Taff wrote an article for an academic journal about one of their patients — a sober and healthy 20-year-old found with a foreign object in his rectum. The patient had been “fooling around” with his boyfriend when the two of them came up with the idea to stir a batch of concrete mix and get a funnel. The rest is medical history. “Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 x 7 x 5 cm and weighing 275 g,” the doctors wrote in their article.
4. Kama Sutr-Ow!
A Russian couple in their 50s decided to spice things up at home and borrowed a book of Kama Sutra positions from a friend. One of the positions they tried out was indrani, or the “deck-chair position,” in which the woman draws up her knees so her legs are jammed under her partner’s armpits, or else draped over his shoulders. Problem was, once in that position, the woman had a muscular spasm, and locked the two of them together. Struggling for an hour to break free, they finally had to call paramedics for help. They were successfully separated.
5. A Pleasant Buzz
According to the racy U.K. tabloid Daily Star, 24-year-old Amanda Flowers began suffering from a condition known as “persistent genital arousal disorder” after falling off from a Wii Fit board and twisting a nerve. Now she claims to find mere vibrations of her food processor and mobile phone stimulating. “With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply,” she says. “Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.”